olfactory orgasm

ok, so I'm a perfume whore
I have bottles of perfume and am using it all at once n am itching to get a couple more
oh so membazir i know but mcm dh buhsan ngn current perfume
pdhal tak smpai separuh botol je yg tgh guna sekarang neh

anyway, apart from perfume for self
I also have a thing for homme line ups
like right now, I am sniffing of Calvin Klein Euphoria for Men
terus turned on n hilang stress okeh
ngahahahahahaha

so I like my men to smell pleasant, nothing wrong kan?
*note: pleasant, not like botol perfume pecah ok?!*
and i like them to do a bit of manscaping as well
not fair wat, u want us to look pretty n smell nice tp anda itu?
plus, no harm in being a bit metrosexual

funny to think in animal kingdom
the male species are the one with colours and pretty pattern and the female are the blergh ones
and why do u think birds spend so much time grooming their feathers?
or the peacock showing off their pretty tails?
in human kingdom terbalik pulak yer?

ok, enuf crapping for the day
side effects of studying the brain makes u go cuckoo

back to sniffing
aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
*koya*

monday morning blues

ROTFLMAO!!
do watch till da end
sindir baik punya!!!

i'm like a bird

they said
if you love someone, set them free
if they come back, you're meant to be together

but
will you still be waiting when they come back?
will you still be there?

bliss

33C in fall?
hello global warming!

flip flop+tank top+hot pants at the end of Sept?
priceless
sipping ice capp n ogling shirtless guys?
double awesomeness

just hope tis doesn't mean later n prolonged winter
hate it when it's May n snow still around
blerghhhhhh

for day like today

am so not in mood for school anymore
must be the looming Eid celebration tis weekend

missed the sahur today
a week break is so not good for the rhythm established

skipped the morning class and cooked the peanut sauce to go with the satay and nasi himpit for the last iftar get together at Yasemin's place tomorrow

forced self to show up early for the core session an Dr White's enthusiastic compliment on my super punctuality help ease the boredom with med school stuffs
saw 2 patients, one with proximal weakness the other with distal weakness and muscle atrophy
as always, clueless like Alicia Silverstone for i haven't study much for this course
so very da suicidal la Dalilah oi!
went to fetch the car for the weekend
yup, am renting again tis week
told ya i'm addicted to driving
last week was Toyota Yaris Sedan, tis week is the cute Suzuki SX4
me likeyyyyyyyy~
went to do groceries for the Eid cookings
break the fast at Marrybrown
only reached home at 10pm -amboi, ade kete trus panjang langkah naaa- and just finished marinating the chicken breast for the satay
tomorrow gonna be the cooking day
dun u just love being the domestic goddess?

on your toes

"....because the snap judgments, the ones that comes to us quickly and easily without hesitation, they're the one that haunts us forever " Meredith Grey, Sympathy for the Devil

i must be the most indecisive being to ever walk on earth
i can't say ay or nay on the spot without taking a good chunk of time
i can say goodbye to emergency department no doubt

it's hard to choose which path to follow
and being me, when most of the times i have no idea what i want
not making it any easier
yup, most times, i have no clue wat i want
but most of the time when i didn't know, i know wat i dun want
good thing maybe?
bad thing probably?

thing is nothing in this world without sequel
u can't made a decision today out of whim n not care if it gonna come back bite you hard in the ass the next day or the day after or ever
but it does feel good to do exactly just dat
a bold, consequences be damn choice
right there and right then
we'll worry about tomorow as it comes =)

que sera sera

when i was young, my teachers ask me wat i want to be when i grow up
wholeheartedly i answered
I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR!

so i bust my ass off in school and got into med school
5 yrs into it and still have 2 more years to go
-mind you i'm still doing my undergrad medicine-

nowadays, my preceptors ask me what kind of doctors i wanna be
i just smile and said
I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET
while in my heart, i answered
I TRULY WISH TO BE A FULL TIME HOUSEWIFE
haha dun play2, housewife with MD tu, ko ado?

is it to early to give up on life?

forever young

met my geriatric patient today
67 yrs old lady, somewat vague and confused at times
but her stories are disheartening
she's a bit wobbly on her feet from the car accident in the 90's
the long list of meds she's on for her many health problems
aging is catching up, memory seems to fail her sometimes
the long grieve for the husband demise years ago hasn't abate a bit
pictures of her families adorned the walls of her trailer home but none of it represent her relationship with them
she lives with her son who's away most of the time because of his job
her 2 dogs she regarded as her own children who seems to take extra interest on me n keep coming close to sniff up so i give a pat or two
i dun really mind them as long as they dun slobbers on me, so leceh to samak afterwards
the house reeks of dog's smell
no surprise to see dog foods n chew toys on the floors
undoubtedly she's depressed even if smiles plastered on the wrinkled face of her
but she's one damn proud woman, won't let us help her to her feet even if her struggle very apparent

after the visit, i paused and acknowledge the simplest truth
life is hard, just have to make best with wat u have at the moment
the way she did

this is one of the little price we will have to pay for being a developed country
the westerners have long struggle with it
they even tell themselves it's ok to be selfish and said i can't do it anymore
dat it's ok to quit to be the caregiver for their elders
kinda reminded of the fact how a mother can take care of her many children but a child not necessarily can take care of his/her one mother
the elders are a growing population
they are not without skills or knowledge or contributions but nature is winning against them, not dat they can help it
although my heart goes for them but i honestly dun think i can do geriatrics
for it reminds me the fragility of life and to think my parents are heading down the same road
just can't bear the thought

yes, you are

me: so u want to be my hero?
him: am i not already your hero?

*LOVES*

time will heal all wounds, eh?

here's a thing
wounds never heal completely
scars will take on its place
once the damage is done, it's a done deal
nothing u can do to make it as before again

time lessen the pain
n slowly we all learn to live with the scars
we walked the earth as damaged goods
we will nvr be new n shiny again
we are all chipped and cracked
but we are always whole

there are things u can do to make it right
so tell me wat do i do now?

honk if you see this

Dalilah is back on the road! *high*
oh well, at least for the weekend

O.M.G gelabi ok drive on right side of road
asek nk tertukar lane jer
hard to put the car in the center of the lane when driver seat on the left
n u get so used to the gear n wat not on the right when u reach for it, u actually reaching for the door handles haha
plus kete tu signal n wiper switch side...nk bg signal terbukak wiper *slaps forehead*
oh well, practice makes perfect eh?
n dun let me get started on the lights n pedestrian n the 60km/hr speed limit

despite all these, i manage to safely drive the girls and guys from point A to point B
Downtown, highway, CrossIron Mills, Superstore ntah mane lg aku redah

I love driving even if i'm not an excellent driver
it offers some sort of escapism, just like writing

I am so getting a car for final year here even if daddy somewat against it
now need to get the license first *excited*

trouble in lala land

so not in good place rite now

the past still bugging you n potentially screwing with ur future
i thought i am done with the old one
i said goodbyeS, i walked away *again n again*
am currently starting to be happy with the new presence
finally after yrs, opening up again to the possibility of i might have a chance at something real
but u just had to sabotage ur own happiness isn't?
great going, self!

on top of dat family fails to understands you *again*
i know u mean well daddy
n i do consider ur points too
but how do i learn from mistakes n triumphs if u didn't let me have any of it?

at least school puts a few smiles on the face
and a whole loads of pressure in form of decision making and yeah, studying for exams

am waiting for it to pass
with fingers crossed dat things will work out, someway or another
keeping it positive :s

a comeback?

tis would be my 9478586831274th attempt to write a proper comeback post
I figured after more than 6 months *really? like seriusly? S-I-X?!* of absence I should probably write a decent piece on maybe why I took the sabbatical or at least wat have been happening in that long MIA period of time but heck, words elusively escape me
drafs after drafs
on papers, ipod, laptop, u name it
but somehow couldn't pen down the right stuff to say
maybe there too much stuffs to say I dun even know where to start

I wanted to write again
expressing what I can't say
sharing the quirkiest little things in daily life
oh how I miss venting and ranting out

what started as a collection of only my happy days soon be a witness to my daily struggle with life, both the happy days and the crappy days
once in a while, I reread all of my entries, serves as a reminder of how far I have come, how much I have grown and help understand where I am right now and re-enlighten my destination
when I hit rock bottom, it seems to smile and whispers back that I can get thru it simply because I have in the past n I know cos I got the smile back on my face and laughter back in my voice
but of late, things have become too personal to be shared even if I longed to
of late, there are things I wanted some to know but not others
of late it didn't feel free anymore to say wat I really want
when ppl take offense of wat u write and stop talking to you even if wat u write is true anyway
this is no longer my safe heaven
yet I dun wanna stop
so I took a break

I will write again I hope
writing is therapeutic for me
maybe I'll continue writing here
4 yrs and this blog have seen ups and downs of my life
this is home,my sanctuary,my happy place
but i think a change would be good too
in keeping of the reality i'm living
or maybe perhaps writing anonymously would finally give the true freedom in expressing wat really went thru tis lil mind of self
wat u think?

"Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here"
-Death Cab For Cutie, Soul Meets Body-